My summer was a miracle

Well summer break is coming to an end shortly and I have mixed feelings about it all. This was definitely a summer I'll never forget. A summer I never want to forget. People assume because Ryleigh passed that I consider it a terrible summer, but this summer I felt our baby that we prayed for so long move and wiggle in my womb. I got to sing to her every night and feel her react to my music. Though the bedrest was a challenge, it's a challenge j would choose a zillion times more. Then guess what?! I got to hold our precious child, I got to feel her tiny long fingers wrap around my index fingers, I got to stare into her eyes, sing to her, kiss her, and dedicate her to God. She passed in my arms, a detail I haven't shared with many, but she went peacefully sleeping on my chest. No sudden movements, just slipped into the hands of the Lord. Which makes my heart ache at the thought of our earthly goodbye, but I know where our child is and I've accepted God chose to call her home to take care of her. So while I did experience the most emotional pain I've ever faced, I also got to experience the deepest love I could ever fathom. Ever. Thank you, God. Just a year ago I shared that we were struggling with conceiving and just one year later I got to share the summer of "Ryleigh" and God made us parents. I think of Steel Magnolias, "I rather have 30 minutes of wonderful than a lifetime full of nothing special." So I had a miraculous summer for the fact that I held our miracle and I was given 26 beautiful weeks with our girl. Do I still have my moments? Heck yes, I woke up crying at 5 am the other day. Travis held me through it. After church I had a meltdown like no other and my mom helped talk me through it. I cried that I thought by now the grief would pass, like at this point the world expects me to be "ok" (as if grief has a time-line). But then I realize grief doesn't have a timeline. I feel every person is entitled to take as long as they need. I also believe when you lose someone with your blood you truly never get over the loss, you just learn to live again with a piece of your heart somewhere else. You still laugh and you live your life accordingly so Heaven is attainable. Today was a good day, I only cried once while copying my photos of her onto a jump drive. I need to get them printed but haven't been that brave yet. The photos for me are extremely personal and no one will ever see them except immediate family because I want to respect our baby girl and not parade her photos. I will say that they turned out beautiful and the photos did a fabulous job at capturing the emotions that day. There is one of us as a family of three where you can read the love on all three of our faces and I adore it. I'm so glad we got to have a family photo together while sweet girl was alive and with us. I intended to write about back to school, but I guess I wrote about Ryles instead. I have a feeling that's who I'll continue to be as a mother... Always thinking about my kids and little about me anymore. I'll take that. I look forward to our journey as parents. I can't wait to meet who Ryleigh's sibling(s) will be. I just know God will bless us with a wonderful family to raise and I praise Him in advance and I praise Him for Ryleigh. I love you sweet girl, mommy had a great summer meeting you.