My lucky ENGAGEMENT SHoes!!

I am marrying my best friend and I mean it 100%.

It is so funny that this blog was called the searching years. How I have grown and my searching has turned into fun and exciting adventures. I could absolutely squeal in excitement right now.

The story of how he proposed...the story I'll tell my children :)

I was getting ready at his house and I was already wearing my purple vera wang dress and grey sweater getting ready for church in Monroe for the Christmas Eve service. I went ahead and gave him his North-face jacket early (per his request) so he could look nice at church. I was drying my wet hair and he came in with a huge bag. I just knew since I was drying my hair and not ready it'd just be the sonuk's that I asked for. (He had already told me I was not getting a ring until income tax). So as I reached my hands in I felt my shoes. As I pulled them out I seen the Zales box sticking out of one. Everything past this is a blur. We were both so nervous! I know I said, "No way!" He dropped to one knee and asked me to be his wife for life!" He swears it didn't rhyme like this, but I am pretty sure it did. And I am pretty sure I wouldn't change how he said it ever because it makes it so special to me. I like the dork, knees buckled and dropped down next to him and shook nervously as he put my ring on my finger. Then we both just hugged...like a million second hug. I was so excited. I didn't cry yet---that came after the hugging. Then I started my 1,000 phone calls. :) Those are the most expensive shoes ever ;).

I'm wearing those shoes under my wedding dress! That may seem tacky, but it would tie in our engagement so perfectly!!!

Mark my words, we will be the couple that lasts. I am prepared for rough and smooth waters, our relationship is a steady rock.

It is God's promise to one another and I want to be a great girlfriend.. I mean wife!! OMG I so have to get used to it.

Love the future--Christina Gordon Roberts!!

Quiet inside my mind

The feeling of accomplishment. The feeling of seeing 10/10 on a screen. I read online the other day that saying going to school online is actually just as challenging as being in class if not more challenging. The fact people say it is "easier" is a myth. I have to self discipline myself to do my assignments and teach them to myself. I would love to have a professor just lecture to me again because I am a highly auditory learner. If you think the tests are easier--wrong--you don't have time to flip through your notes as people think. You have to know it. Random tid-bit, but the thing on yahoo homepage made me want to share. Gosh I hate the commercial of the girl singing, "Get connected for free at ed-u-cation connect-ion". I think it makes going to school online look so juvenile. I did take a test in my pj's earlier though?? LOL Maybe I should get up on that commercial and sing.

I am loving Christmas Unit at work! Our room is quite festive. I bought some more stickers and Christmas cards for the kids to write in tonight. I love my students--all of them--past and present. I love this time of the year, they are attached to us and predictable. We are attached to them too. I can tell you exactly what they will ask, and I know that my beautiful blonde haired "real cheerleader" and sweet Curstan will be following me around helping me prepare art in the morning. I know that Riley J. and Connor will be building the tallest building ever with cardboard blocks, and we'll have to stop sweet Koltin from doing a dive into them to be the "bulldozer". I have learned the twins voices apart and I have learned that Peyton is our ladies man. I can keep going, I love them all. I think I should make a journal just of my children after I graduate, so I can truly remember them 40 years from now.

I went to my first Tech shin dig tonight to be inducted to Golden Key Honour Society. I am pretty excited about it, a lot of opportunities to serve the community and get scholarships. I really liked how the lead speaker put it, we should feel honored not that we got in, but in the work we've put into our academics. He said, "I know to be top 15% of your class means a lot of sacrifices at a young age. Today it pays off and it will pay off in your future if you always are a seeker of knowledge. Learning never stops." I felt like he was speaking to me. I know my sacrifices of fun get togethers, sleep, and even time away from those I love the most. I know it helps build me stronger and will make me a good teacher, wife, and mother one day. I always want to be better for others. I want to unlock the potential others have inside of them. The way my family encouraged me to seek my potential.

On a side note: ULM=Camo TECH=Polo

On a side note note: Do not wear clubbing dresses to prestigious events, use the brains you used to get into the society to dress appropriately. Respect yourselves and your body.

Travis and I will be heading to Dallas Friday night, looking forward to the mini road trip. We'll be meeting up with his parents and staying with his brother and Sam to watch Quinton graduate. I am so proud of him, I know the work that goes into it.

I love John Mayer's "Quiet".... love it.

Anyways, I need to head to sleep. I think tomorrow we may make snow globes!!! I'm pretty pumped no joke.

L-O-V-E

I used to dream of this...What it would be like--Falling in love. Though in my adolescence, I claimed to know it. I didn't. I had no clue what it was like to love someone as much as I do Travis. I never knew what it was like for my soul to really feel complete. I can understand how Eve is made of Adam, because I feel like I was never whole before I met him. As I sit and ponder at 3:30 am about my life, I remember what my life was like before him. I think to my apartment and the lonely nights crying and praying. I prayed for Travis nightly, but I had no clue who he'd be. I did not know it the second I met him, nor will I claim it. However, as each second ticked by in the moments I spent with him, it became more clear. He was the answer to my prayers.

I thank God for sending me someone that can help define happiness and help show me what this world really has to offer. I now understand how much love my parents had for one another. Love--it changes a person--honestly--not in just a beautiful quote sense. It has changed me. It has made me more mature, more confident in myself, happier, kinder, and better in the best of senses. He is my miracle. Though we don't have these sappy romantic conversations daily, we are both good at reassuring one another every day that we love each other, not only in words, but by actions. In the action of staying around me while I cry over tests with my hair pulled up like a nest. He reassures me of my intelligence and gives me a courage I never knew I had. He does it so naturally, I barely think he notices. He is just him. He makes me laugh, oh how he makes me laugh. I am sure in that sense we are soul-mates, we get each others odd sense of humor.

All of this wonderfulness fills me with fear. I have something for the first time in my life that would almost be unbearable to lose. I love him so much that it scares me, to the point I'd literately not know what I'd do if I lost him. That sounds morbid, I know, but I do not intend it to be. To me it is something beautiful, for once I have something so precious to treasure and worry about.

The first date-- I can still see his black truck pulling up as I stood by the paint-chipped apartment railings watching for him. I remember not knowing what to say, as I awkwardly stared out the window. We did not even talk until we were passing the ULM tennis courts, and that was just to state how much easier it was to talk on the phone. It was the best evening of my life up to that point, and I didn't even know it yet. The bond that would form after that day was incredible. I love him, I love his family, I love the little things that make him Travis.

People discuss finding the perfect man, but let me make this clear. There is no perfect man, but the perfect man for you. One that brings you closer to God by showing you the love God has placed in us. The man who has flaws that are seemingly invisible to you. When you find that love, you'll know, I never knew how "you'd know someone is the one", but you do. Compared to my other relationships, I consider him my first real relationship. How did I get so blessed??

And the Dreams that You Dare to Dream Really do Come True

It's nearly 4 am. I call it dedication or insanity one. I am not sure. I just completed my 15 page final for psychology 411 and a 2 page paper to go along with it. I'm exhausted, but I needed to do something to calm my brain down before I passed out.

I found out I get to graduate wearing two cords. One for having a 3.8 and one for being in honor society. I will pretend they are gold when I wear them because I have spent years of my life dedicating myself to my studies. They've been fun memories though for the most part. Now they are just tiring. I am ready for grad school now, I actually cried when I was reading my application and starting on it. I can't believe I've finally made it that far. I may have cried from exhaustion, but it felt good to do so. Travis is amazing, he deals with my psychotic melt downs when I feel like I'm a chicken with my head cut off trying to complete stuff. Good thing because tomorrow I'll be tackling 6 hours or more worth of lectures and reading 300 pages of a book. Yeah.. we'll see how that goes?! I promise I do not procrastinate, I just have soooo much on my plate. Eh, enough complaining. If you ask why I am not doing my assignment right now I'll answer you--I'm sleepy and I don't do 4 am tests for the sake of my grades and understanding the material.

I made my first pinterest project the other day for my wedding. I'll have to take a picture and get it up. Yes, I know we're not engaged yet, but I know we'll spend forever together so why not get ahead of the game? I just need some burlap string to complete it. I love him without a shadow of a doubt. He is my very best friend who knows everything about me and loves the good and the bad aspects that make me--well me! He even deals with my OCD when I feel a little anxious. (That's getting way better though his support system helps me). Sometimes just the funny things he says lights up my world... and I enjoy future talks. I love knowing we will have a future together that God will lead us through.

6 classes to goooooo til I walk. YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY I can learn what it's like to have a life again... YAYYYYY!

Yeah, sorry, off track again. My brain works like that.

Please continue to pray for Aly Taylor as she battles vicious cancer and pray for her family and friends. It's a difficult time for them. Also pray for a 4 month baby (a friend's niece) who is battling for her life after the discovery of a tumor.

My friend Janna has her baby soon, super excited for her....she will be a great mother. I just found out her little man will be at CCP so I will get to see her and get to peak in at him! I love watching children grow. I can't wait to have my own. I really just want one, but I know myself there will be two. (Three if a girl hasn't made an appearance ;).}

I have to gear up for my GRE and all that fun stuff. I'll be taking all of that this spring and summer.

Anyways, my eyes are finally feeling droopy. The extra shots of caffeine have done their job well and are now giving up (thank gosh).

If anyone wants Scrooge tickets from our class we'd love for you to come, just ask me!!! They are free and it's a very good play that makes Christmas come alive!

Looking out the window

My friends--very few people who are surrounded by me really know me, these days I barely remember who I am with the rustle, bustle of life. I am a deep thinker though, who covers it up with a smile (which is genuine, none the least). I obsess over thoughts and people call it a bad thing. I love that I am OCD and over emotional in some odd ways, because when I do something I do it 150% and when I care about someone I do it 150% also. OCD makes me good--emotionally drained--but good at life. My medicine now keeps me moderated and sometimes I just forget to take it. I feel more balanced in life now despite the fact I have a 100 things on my plate. It's hard to describe, but I am happy with where I am in life. I can now look back at life and realize how I am a large puzzle God is putting together in HIs time and in HIS way. I used to feel so lost about life and OBSESS over that, if you read my deep and sad journals you would see the darkness of the pages. I would write about God, but looking back, I did not trust giving my problems to him. I felt guilty for asking for guidance, when there are sick and good people in the world. Now, as I reflect being older, I realize God could take my problems. He is a great and mighty God who can heal the sick and help me if I only seek Him.

I ramble a lot. I enjoy rambling. It's therapy in a blog. Honestly, I could care less of opinions of this blog. This is me.

I am listening to the rain and soft piano of an art dvd I just completed watching. I am compelled to go buy classical music on my ipod. That's thinking music. The music I am generally surrounded with on "popular" radio stations do not provoke emotions or thoughts. This music and the rain--it does.

The sunrise is a thinking moment for me to. I love my drives. Sometimes I do not listen to radio at all, but take in my surroundings. This morning, I pondered, how great it is to finally find the one God intended me to be with. I used to look for the perfect man, but I now realize there is no perfect man or person, only a person that's perfect for me. My mom heard him singing before we ate the other day, and pointed out that I have ALWAYS sang before I ate. ALWAYS. Odd tid bit, but I never noticed that Travis and I had those things in common. He betters me. Honestly, he does. When I tear up over a B, well actually before I can he praises my efforts and makes me feel like I am worth something much bigger than a grade on my transcript. If people knew him like I know him, they would understand why even on my worst days I can muster up a smile. I had love wrong in my head, it's not all mushy gushy romance, it's real. It's good days, bad days, and everything in between. He's my best friend and there is honestly nothing that I can not tell him. I love how predicable he is, how I know I'll get a voicemail when he gets to work that will begin with "hey babe" every time and end with, "I love you". I love that we can dance around like crazies when LSU wins a game, or just have serious talks about God and life. People will never know him like that, and that is what makes me love him. I have brought out a side in him that only he knew, and he has brought out a side of me that only now he knows. It's really hard to explain, but I just did my best. I love that I waited on him and didn't settle. I'd wait a million more days if it meant knowing that he loves me.

Anyways, now back to art. I need to take my Rothko test, bless his heart, he had an amazing life as an artist. He wanted people to feel his painting emotionally...just as I secretly hope for people to feel the life I have in me and the love I have for making friends.

Until next time ---

You are Cordially Invited to Christina Marie Gordon's College Graduation

May 19th at 2:00 a long time goal will be completed. I know, I know...most of my friends have already been there done that. College wasn't like that for me though, it was more of a journey of "Who does God want me to be"? It was His path that lead me where I am today. I take none of the credit. I'm just blessed that HE provides me strength. I have always been a good student, ok, rather obsessive is better word. I have two B's on my college transcript (which I consider to be like big ugly marks on my pretty piece of art). The rest are A's, and I am not saying this to brag. I am saying how relieved my BRAIN will be to quit having to be perfect in May.

My journey started in 2005 with my best friends Ana, Amber, Laura, and Elaina by my sides at the big ole "ULM". It was fun, honestly, I don't remember much that I learned, but I remember the experiences. I remember the day I started: Ok here's a story:

It was a good 104 degrees outside for ULM PREP and Elaina and I roll up wearing jeans (thinking we had to). We then decide on our 15 minute break (yeah we're dumb) we had time to go home to swartz to change. (We did get back late). Well I realized I need to shave my legs, so I did it dry!! Needless to say, as my legs itched at school Sage Morris (what then was Hancock) handed me some lotion. After rubbing it in, EVERY PORE of my leg began to pour blood out streaming down my legs. (What a way to impress the new "college guys". In my ID, I look traumatized. I help my prep bag over my legs all day b/c it was BAD! LOL LOL Not my brightest moments. The days came and went and I honestly remember the friendships I built more than the classes. When I remember: What was college like?

I remember Bat Man (a guy who rode his bicycle with his unbuttoned shirt flying with his speeding trike) stealing my seat in Tucker's class and Ana was like look batman it's her seat! He knew his nickname for the record (he liked it).

I remember studying like a BAZILLION notecards in the library with Ana and some dude who I'll never remember his name! The library has odd ghost like noises.. and a person who slurped their milk too loudly for Ana's likings. I remember that night.

I remember biscuits and gravy with 2 pieces of bacon for $2.33 in the morning at the "Wig~Wam"

I remember the day it DOWN PouREd and to be a good friend I walked Ana across campus to her car with a shared umbrella and the winds of Hurricane Katrina put that one into the Bayou with one gust of wind. We laughed until we cried that day!

I remember classes with Dr. Low--who had the cutest british accent--and Becky and I always cracking up at something and Courtney Andrews (then Miller) was with us too!

I remember ALL of my classes with Laura and Terri! haha my horrible date stories were our amusement that got us through McLeLand's class! *DO NOT ASK WHAT CHIPPER MEANS!* It is not British. I remember getting in trouble for asking the girl to turn her Christmas JINGLE BELLS MUSIC PLAYING SONGS up during his HARD should have be 500 level tests.

I remember Heather introducing herself as a bride to be! LOL And Tucker shooting that idea down! (Married lots of years now!)

I remember Amber, Elaina, and I in Dr. Bell's class with Squeaky and Mario. Oh and the lady who always sat like in the super front and bought him a coke every day, (God bless her soul).

I remember Dr. T's computer class with Megan M. and eating pizza in the computer labs that he bought us. (Rebels)

I remember Megan Bowman and I with our Cherry Cokes tailgating our first college games!!

I remember Jessi and Ashley eating my burned pizza and singing this one particular Taylor Swift song quite often (DO NOT SAY WHICH LOL)

I loved school, while I have always hated it. Ok, I say that I hate it, looking back I have loved it. It has made me grow so much and made go from being a determined girl to a determined woman. I know I took time off, but I am ok with that. I took the road less traveled. I took time to grow up and THEN went back to be who God intended me to be. I'll never be ashamed of that.

I appreciate the people along my path who have lead me where I am today.
I appreciate the phone calls from my family and loved ones who listen to me cry when I'm sleepy from work and have boo koos of school work to do.
I appreciate Travis being a loving man, and bringing a joy to my heart that made me want to be better. Though I will graduate for myself, I am doing it to make my family and him proud. He brought me out of a depression few knew about, I used to cry alone a lot. Though no one knows us like I do, trust me he brought back the "real" me. He is so supportive of my school work and praises me for my accomplishments. When I found out I was in the top 15% of my class he danced next to me.
Oh my family.....the calls they have endured. Hearing dad say, "You can do this, you are not allowed to quit once you've found your calling" For mom to say, "This too shall pass" when I am running on fumes...for my sister to be there for one night of fun to break up the vicious work, eat, homework, bed--cycle. For my brothers deep intellectual conversations about my classes.

Oh thank you God, I appreciate you most of all. Thank you for the strength. Please keep your hands on me the next 7 months.

New Beginnings/Exciting and Nervous

At this time next year I'll be decorating my first classroom as a lead teacher. That is really exciting. However, I am still super excited to decorate JoAnna and my safari room this year! :)

However, you have to walk before you crawl.... I have the following Quarters coming up at Tech to get me there:

Fall- 3 classes or "9" hours which is full time at Tech

Winter- 2 classes or "6" hours

Spring- 3 classes or "9" hours (again full time)

Summer- 2 classes or "6" hours

So 10 Classes stand between me and freedom....oh I am ready....but terrified.

It can be done.. with God's strength and support from my family, Travis, and friends it can be done. I am telling myself this to reassure myself that I have the knowledge and strength to do this.

I'll be working full time and being a full time student. I am not complaining, I do this all by choice. I did it to myself when I quit school in 2008. I hated being an English major though, and when I found out the administration made a "mistake" in my graduation date I couldn't handle it. However, I am SO thankful that I quit. God has a way of changing your path in his way. I felt at the time it was best and it was. Had I not quit, I would have never found CCS. CCS is the school that gave me a job without asking questions. I did not want it, to be honest the thought of working sounded terrible to me. I was unhappy with life in general and I didn't know what I wanted to do. I was in a rut. It was Kitty Head that gave me a chance to work with the after school program. Here I fell in love with children. The four year olds in that class are still etched into my head. I was nothing more than an after school girl, but I made it my goal to be a real teacher to them. I read books, played games, colored, and through this I fell in love. I remember the first day I knew I was emotionally connected is the day a little boy got a toy car thrown at his head. It busted a blood vessel and needless to say it was a bloooody mess. I now know due to further education that teachers are supposed to remain calm to ensure the child. I did not know that then and cried just as hard as him as I walked covered in his blood to Mrs. Kitty's office crying. (Actually, I think I cried harder than him). I went home and realized how much I cared.

Then Brittany suggested that I ask to be a sub. I got called ALL the time. I felt like one of the group even then. I loved it, it was then I decided to apply for the full time teacher's assistant job. I could sense a family and unity with the ladies I subbed with and I knew it was where God wanted me to be. I even enrolled in my CDA classes at Delta before I obtained the position. I now have my CDA and have 96 hours under my belt. That's a lot of tears behind that, lol, when I get stressed I cry. I stared at my transcript tonight. I like browsing over the classes that I have taken, though they are kind of random now since I am general studies to graduate quicker... I like to feel that I am well rounded. 32 classes down (35 if you count my Delta CDA classes), 10 to go. This can be done and will be done. :) I have made all A's so far at Tech while working full time. I know boasting is bad and I do not share my grades for "show off reasons" I post it because I do find that it's ok to be proud of accomplishments that have a lot of work behind it. I have worked super hard to get where I am today. I talk to Laura Pritchard, an old English Ed. major friend of mine, and some of our sophomore classes were probably the hardest and most challenging classes I have ever taken!! LOL I do not know why I wanted to share that, but I am so thankful for the "chipper" memories of ULM. I have fond memories of being a freshmen watching Ana be late for class with her green book bag and having my buddy Scott talk about fishing. I also enjoyed telling my dear friend Mrs. Terri Scott and Laura my HORRIBLE date stories. I do like Tech better though for where I am in life now for curriculum purposes, but my young days at ULM are still precious to me and who I became.

I go to the beach Monday. It's the last big shin dig before school time fun begins. I am excited to see what children God puts in our lives.

Enjoyed the trip. It was nice seeing the Robert's family and we had a nice time in New Orleans.

Travis says that when I look back 10 years from now school will be a blur, but I will be better for it. Lord, I pray so.

Pray for my mother, she keeps having cysts come up? They say it's not cancerous, but I still freak out. They are also seeing signs of osteoperosis (sp?) I detest the aging process. You work hard your whole life, and right when you can slow down just a little bit your body starts giving out. It seems cruel to me, but God has a plan for us all. He uses us for His work and aging it just apart of that process.

I am super thankful to God for Travis. I know that true love is hard to find. When I am with him, I am with my best friend. He does not give himself much credit, but he is AMAZING.

Dreams

The past has a way of sneaking up on you in your dreams. I am not sure why they say you "dream" about the future. I dream about the past. I always have that or it's just off the wall dreams. It's funny how one little thought can become a dream that lasts all night. I also dream about insecurities and fears (losing someone I love or failing a test). It's odd. I like my dreams though, they are like little movies. I even have the ability during the summers if I wake up in the middle of a dream that I am enjoying, I can quickly go back to sleep and "add" to my movie. I know it all seems a little deep. My brain is always out there in left field.

I am growing to learn to be my own self. I have lived many years of my life, living to make others happy. I still want to, but for once I want to be happy too. If someone can not accept me for who I am, they honestly do not belong. I hate how cliche' that sounds though. I just want to be happy.

I'm ready to go back to work. I got so used to being active with school and work that I don't know how to do nothing.

I'm so easily sidetracked. This lady on TLC sniffs gasoline every 10 minutes because she likes to smell gas. She says the gasoline makes her feel better. HAHA Gracious, I thought my life was stressful.

Travis and I are still doing well. People keep asking me about our future, we have one...but we are enjoying our time now. Living in the present and enjoying where we are in life NoW is important. My dreams are already true with him.

I miss my family, summer has been very hectic and busy for my family. I love them very much!

I go to the beach Monday, and there may be a New Orleans trip this week in store. :)

God is good--Always

Searching for Balance

I have been trying to find my balance. I am not much of a person to whine, ok maybe I am, but I have really had to get used to being back in school. I work 40 hours a week (with kids that I adore), have to be a good daughter, sister, aunt, girlfriend, church member, and employee. Oh and I forgot a good student, how could I forget my scholarly duties? However, when I state that I am finding my balance, I am doing it psychologically. I am telling myself that everything that I am doing will pay off in the end. I know that teaching children is in my heart, and it's the smiling faces that I see daily that pushes me to do homework from 3-Midnight.

I am also having trouble finding balance with friends. I never like the feeling of choosing or even questioning who is more important. I love all of my friends and i hope that I convey that. I feel like I am leaving so many people out here lately, and I hate that. I just feel like school has been my primary focus. I keep telling myself that it's worth it.

I do love Tech (online). However the campus stresses me out, I lost my car the other day during advising. I'm so used to being a ULMer that I felt like such a freshman (even though I am a senior) walking around. I couldn't find my car in cold misting rain (in may?!) for at least 15 minutes. It was pathetic. My hair feathers got wet! (PAHAHA) Another thing that makes me happy in an odd way is realizing my friends (yes you stephanie) are just as emotional as I am when they get stressed. I had my crying day yesterday and poor Travis got to hear me have a wahhhh woah is me melt down. I am feeling better though!

I do need tooth picks to keep my eyes open. School did change me, it took away my every other daily naps!

As far as my love life is going, for once I am not searching any longer. My prince charming has arrived with his big brown eyes and super fly dance moves. I did not rename my blog though, for I realize that the searching years are still evident in my life. I am now searching for balance. Pray for me to find some. Oh, and for sleep. Teen teen is not making it off of 5 hours a night. I need 13. HAHA!