Sunday, December 27, 2015

Getting "Lost"

Christmas break, the best break of the year has been a good and relaxing one thus far. The weather has been rather springy, but nothing to complain about. I have been heart broken over the tornadoes that have been slamming the south. I have been praying for all of those affected. It's funny how vulnerable we are as humans, our lives can change in an instant. That is why I am thankful that I serve and love a God who loves me. I could perish tomorrow, but I am promised eternity because of His son Jesus Christ and my salvation. I used to fear death, but now see it as some Devine plan, God knows our future. I do however fear death of a loved one, but that's the selfish nature of being human. My heart always aches for those saying "goodbye for a while" to their loved ones.

Enough with my morbidness, I want to talk of life. I declare in Jesus name there will be a little life that grows up in our household. I don't know when, I don't know how, but I know there will be! January marks month 14. I have had friends who began trying after me already have their babies. It is such a long journey, but I can't wait to declare the miracle of our baby one day. I am now up to 100 mg of Clomid and progesterone pills. They basically make me a basket case, but well worth upping my chances. Having a baby sometimes consumes my mind, again human nature. We live in a world of instant gratification, but some of the best things that ever occurred in my life took longer than others.

I graduated college way later than my friends, I found my husband later in life, I started my career later in life. I watched my friends begin working, falling in love, etc... All before me, but my wait for all of the things were in perfect timing. Did I feel like I was suffering and lonely for a while? Sure I did, again I am human. But God has given me the perfect life. Seriously, every single day I know my husband was well worth the wait. Our future baby, as stubborn and he or she is about getting here, will be worth the wait. God is just building our testimony. Until then, I will continue to find ways to serve God. Because even if I remain barren forever I have a purpose in this life. I will always strive to be someone's silver lining. Heck maybe I am even made to talk about the "taboo talk of infertility" to help someone out. I do want to tell people that I am not bitter at others having babies, I honest to God have no jealousy. Who could ever not wish for their friends to have a family? I'm always so happy to hear the news, I always find it incredible that girls I had sleepovers with are creating the next generation of "us".

I do want to touch on what Reverend Betty said today... She touched on not getting so lost in our problems that we forget to see others and we forget to seek God. I could grow bitter with God, it'd be easy enough to just get mad, but I am not.. Which again is my faith that has been restored in this whole process. I hope to give myself to the Lord more in this upcoming year, so much that I don't spend as much time worrying over controlling the smallest details of my life. I want to lose focus of myself and focus on whatever He wants me doing. That's my New Years Resolution. I hope throughout my journey I can help others seek God. I constantly preach I am not perfect, I really am not, but I do love the Lord. Happy New Year!