Firsts

There will never be a first day of school for Ryleigh. I know I'll one day be a mother somehow, but for Ryleigh I'll never have that day. You don't realize how many dreams a mother has for a child, until she's robbed of those dreams. I feel robbed. I don't feel robbed by God, just robbed in general. I feel sadness for the "firsts" I'll miss out on. I even had her a newborn Halloween costume chosen for her first Halloween. Tomorrow my oldest niece goes to second grade and that sweet angel is so excited. I did her "back to school sign". I want to feel like I'm special in the back to school world. I'm thankful my sister allows me to be so much of a part of her kids' lives. Ok bed for me. Love you Rye Pie. We will have our firsts in Heaven. Until then I'll just be living and trying my darndest to make it through happily.