Tuesday, March 2, 2010

The Searching Years

Originally, I came up with the name the searching years referring to finding the "one" on valentine's day. The holiday came and with it came the lonely emotions. I thanked my sister once again for being my valentine and while wiping tears I said, "Thanks for being there for me during the searching years."

Now, as only a short time as gone by, I have found new meaning in the title "searching years". I am realizing at this point of my life I am searching, but maybe for the wrong things. I do not have to have someone to be "happy". The pursuit of happiness is not merely found in relationships. It is first found in happiness that only the Lord can provide.

I never realized that I could be happy when I feel lonely or even sad. A person can find happiness and peace even while mourning. Matthew 5:4 Happy are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. I find comfort in knowing that there can be happiness in our hearts, even on our toughest days. Everyone's searching for "ways to be happy" but the answer is so very clear...you have to seek Him.

I'd love to report that I found the one through my prayers, but so far that has not happend. God has His timing and his reasoning for everything. I'm just going to have to suck it up and get some patience. But I've also realized that through prayers I have found insight on other things that I am going to begin searching for in these years of my life. I am searching for how to be a better person in every aspect of my life. I am starting to search for ways to make OTHERS happy. I am searching for ways to please God. I am making plans to finish up my dream of becoming a main teacher, and until then I am enjoying being an assistant teacher to 20 students in our classroom who make me feel like my dreams already coming true. I am searching to surround myself with only those who care about me. These are the people who choose to be true friends--in every meaning. My friends that I can talk about my faith with, the people who I can laugh with, cry with, act stupid with. The friends who knows my flaws and funny quirks and love me for every single one of them. Even if I am a little different than most. The ones who do not talk behind your back, but are willing to be brutally honest when need be. I am searching to put the people out of my life who bring me and my spirit down. I then hope through this searching someone will see the beauty that I have created in myself. Not outer beauty, but inner beauty. I hope they can see the love that I am so willing to share. I hope they can appreciate the journey that I've taken to find myself and to create a person that people would be proud to call a soul mate. Until then, I am searching.....