Deep breath...here we go...
Ahhh... Friday night.. I made it through EXTREME sickness on Wednesday...and I have warm pajamas on after a nice long bath. My homework is all turned in and I have a night to just watch t.v.! I didn't even get to do this on the two week break from work. Thank you Jesus, you know I needed a break.
Speaking of Jesus, I want to point something out that I see CONSTANTLY from fellow Christians, some I even call friends (and we're all guilty of it, but I've worked on changing it and now I really want to speak my mind on it. Get ready. I'm pouring it out today.
We judge each other as humans about the smallest things, body, wealth, health, who they are dating,...etc....I'm guilty. It shouldn't happen! I am working to change that.
However I want to point out that as Christians, we should make it a MISSION not to judge someone's faith. We judge one another and gossip if someone sins, we disassociate ourselves immediately from those people and "cast them out" from our "Christian click" and say we do not approve of their "sinful ways". I see not approving them, but are you accepting them and saying, "I am praying for you!" Are you giving them joy they need in their life? Or are you turning the other cheek to avoid a "sticky situation". It is one thing to not condone an action, but another thing to not treat the person EXACTLY the way you would someone else. If you treat them differently, it should only be with more love and encouragement.
Why would a person who is a non believer or back slid from their faith want to reach out to God who's people on earth give judging eyes and turn their heads? We live in the real world. A world with broken marriages, drugs, hate, and babies (yes, babies before marriage!) And let me MAKE THIS CLEAR I am NOT PREGNANT or condoning any of the worldly things listed nor downing any of them, just stating their mere existence. They were the examples I could think of). I am just saying, unless someone reaches out with a smile, a warm and humble invitation to church, and just treat them like a REAL person they probably will never turn to God or see the error of their ways. In that case are you doing you job as a Christian.
One of the most influential women in my life, who I rarely get to see with me living out of town, but dearly love is Marcelle Crow. She preaches in the jails of Monroe. She speaks kindness to the homeless, the addicts, the ladies who sale their bodies, and she teaches them the word. They have had rough times, some have done drugs, some have had pre-marital sex and had kids, and lived rough lives. She prays for them even before they are ready to pray for themselves. Are we doing this by saying, "I don't support that?" Are we loving people who need it the most? I understand that everyone does not have the time to do all the amazing things this woman of God does, but we can do the EXACT same thing for our friends who make a mistake. We can pray for them, maybe they made a mistake and sinned. Maybe they were not raised in church like many of us? But that does make them any less worthy of God's love or ours!
Please ask yourself, is your opinion a Christian based one as you claim, or a personally based one?
Now, hear me out, I understand if you want to go with the right crowd to bring yourself up and not down. This is fine, but often prayer requests turn to gossip with shaking heads and people just say "Oh, I don't approve of this because I heard they did this (WHAT A SIN)!? Oh MY!!" Well guess what, we are ALL sinners. We will all be judged, the one perfect man has ascended into Heaven.
That's my soap box, and if you seem offended, the post is supposed to be based on my Christian opinion of who I am, and I am quite frankly tired of keeping my mouth shut to make people get along with me. I want to be Christina, a girl with my own thoughts and opinions and I want to free myself from others judgements. I am judged all the time, but I have grown into a woman who God made me. If you feel attacked, don't. It's towards society as a general and this post has been in the making since i was a teenager. I woke up with this thought on my mind ALL day, and was afraid to post it. But I am realizing God speaks to me most in my dreams, my thoughts that don't go away need to be said. So here you go ....
I love you all, no matter what you do and I will always be your friends even if you slip of back slide. I am not perfect and I realize you are not either. I love you for your imperfections. I pray for you and wish your life the best of happiness and I hope in the tough times you do turn to God. He loves you no matter what.
Oh and if you need some scripture to back me up on judging here ya go:
Luke 6:37 "Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.
Luke 6:41 "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?
John 8:7 When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her."
Romans 2:1 You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge the other, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things.
Romans 14:10 You, then, why do you judge your brother? Or why do you look down on your brother? For we will all stand before God's judgment seat.
Romans 14:13 Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother's way.
1 Corinthians 4:5 Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait till the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of men's hearts. At that time each will receive his praise from God.
James 4:11 Brothers, do not slander one another. Anyone who speaks against his brother or judges him speaks against the law and judges it. When you judge the law, you are not keeping it, but sitting in judgment on it.
Friday, January 13, 2012
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Cleaning up my documents:
While cleaning up my documents I found my poems from my advanced creative writing class: They were kind of dark, but it was my theme!
Flight
The storm blows in with a fierce north wind,
Grey smoke pours out of chimneys into the bleak winter day.
Yet there alone stands one home whose red fires have long since turned to ash,
Cold wind and silence dance among the dirty floors.
Once the fires did burn brightly and the warmth encompassed the house.
Once was the chirping of birds like a beautiful song on the radio.
Yet as it may the birds grew up to fly away to their new nests to create new songs,
Each flap, flutter, and flight a piece of their symphony left also.
The windows now filled with dust was once their escape,
Once a comfortable space to perch and to dream
Daring to go out into the green branches that kissed the sky,
Ready to start a whole new chapter of life.
The windows opened all too soon.
The sun shined in its panes so bright.
A hesitation lingered in the air like the sweet scent of the first bloomed rose,
A moment occurred and the bird wandered if it shall ever take flight?
A smell of pollen lingered in the spring air
Bees buzzed excited with the scent.
Surely there was no better time to fly?
It closed its eyes, spread its wings, and took a leap into the unknown.
Soaring into the world to discover such grand, green, gigantic trees
Who hold their hands out to hold a soul even just for a while.
Every branch holds a new adventure to take on,
The earth a playground.
Love, marriage, a child in a glorious nest,
Life was now perfect and complete.
The view of colored flowers and green grass below was beautiful,
But not as beautiful as its own unique creation.
A furious storm shook the tree violently.
The branch broke and snapped into two,
Surely it did not take the nestling?
An empty heap of straw was found.
Small, black feathers blew with the wind,
(No Stanza break)
They floated slowly down like a deflated balloon.
Only memories remained now,
Mother Nature took their precious baby.
The weather did get better,
But the sad and heartbroken birds never did.
Depression tore the small family a part,
She was left to face the cruel world alone.
Oh the black robin fights to get back home,
Back to the nest that kept her warm for so long.
To hear the music of her childhood,
Yet as it may, the window was closed and nothing remained.
The house where she hummed her first tune gave way to time,
How she longed for the past.
And the robin made her last flight and hummed its last song,
For winter had come at last.
Christina Marie Gordon
Distance
We are birds that watch the world from a distance,
Yet we see better than the souls roaming on the ground.
They do not take the time to carefully observe situations;
There are better things in their lives to be found.
We remember a scream, a cry from the grey home every night,
The crack of a whip that was never made for humans.
We wished we could take the small four-year-old boy with us to fly,
A flight to rescue him from the cruelty that his parents relinquished.
Surely, the neighbors could hear the nightly beating occur,
His burden was too heavy for some to bear.
They were too busy building the perfect nest to notice such pain,
Pretending that nothing was happening.
Ignoring the situation at hand always seemed easier.
We flew above like eagles bravely watching over him at school.
The teachers said his behavior was unacceptable,
He was the small boy with glasses too large for his small frame.
If they only knew what he went through at home,
They would have been quicker to love rather than judge.
The attention he always demanded was cries of help,
They called him a problem child who interrupted a perfect day.
He showed his frustration through violence,
Bruises and bite marks on others was how he was defined.
One stormy night after a bad note from school,
The punishment went too far.
The thunder was louder than his cries,
And with one blow to the head the little boy died.
They found him with his glasses broken;
The neighbors told the cops they never heard a thing.
They shivered with the cold north front making way;
(No Stanza break)
Winter air filled what should have been a warm spring.
The flowers turned down their heads to cry,
Their petals turned brown and their roots rot in the ground.
The green grass lost its soft texture;
There was only death to be found.
The teachers all seemed so shocked;
They pretended to have no clue at all.
Yet the signs were always there in his actions,
In his angry pictures hanging on the walls.
Oh how we as birds did hum a sad tune,
As they laid that boy to rest.
We made our home amongst the dark cemetery;
The crooked tree with branches like claws holds our nest.
Let this be a lesson,
That distance can be good.
People need to take the time to step back and see,
And take actions as they should.
-Christina Gordon
Flight
The storm blows in with a fierce north wind,
Grey smoke pours out of chimneys into the bleak winter day.
Yet there alone stands one home whose red fires have long since turned to ash,
Cold wind and silence dance among the dirty floors.
Once the fires did burn brightly and the warmth encompassed the house.
Once was the chirping of birds like a beautiful song on the radio.
Yet as it may the birds grew up to fly away to their new nests to create new songs,
Each flap, flutter, and flight a piece of their symphony left also.
The windows now filled with dust was once their escape,
Once a comfortable space to perch and to dream
Daring to go out into the green branches that kissed the sky,
Ready to start a whole new chapter of life.
The windows opened all too soon.
The sun shined in its panes so bright.
A hesitation lingered in the air like the sweet scent of the first bloomed rose,
A moment occurred and the bird wandered if it shall ever take flight?
A smell of pollen lingered in the spring air
Bees buzzed excited with the scent.
Surely there was no better time to fly?
It closed its eyes, spread its wings, and took a leap into the unknown.
Soaring into the world to discover such grand, green, gigantic trees
Who hold their hands out to hold a soul even just for a while.
Every branch holds a new adventure to take on,
The earth a playground.
Love, marriage, a child in a glorious nest,
Life was now perfect and complete.
The view of colored flowers and green grass below was beautiful,
But not as beautiful as its own unique creation.
A furious storm shook the tree violently.
The branch broke and snapped into two,
Surely it did not take the nestling?
An empty heap of straw was found.
Small, black feathers blew with the wind,
(No Stanza break)
They floated slowly down like a deflated balloon.
Only memories remained now,
Mother Nature took their precious baby.
The weather did get better,
But the sad and heartbroken birds never did.
Depression tore the small family a part,
She was left to face the cruel world alone.
Oh the black robin fights to get back home,
Back to the nest that kept her warm for so long.
To hear the music of her childhood,
Yet as it may, the window was closed and nothing remained.
The house where she hummed her first tune gave way to time,
How she longed for the past.
And the robin made her last flight and hummed its last song,
For winter had come at last.
Christina Marie Gordon
Distance
We are birds that watch the world from a distance,
Yet we see better than the souls roaming on the ground.
They do not take the time to carefully observe situations;
There are better things in their lives to be found.
We remember a scream, a cry from the grey home every night,
The crack of a whip that was never made for humans.
We wished we could take the small four-year-old boy with us to fly,
A flight to rescue him from the cruelty that his parents relinquished.
Surely, the neighbors could hear the nightly beating occur,
His burden was too heavy for some to bear.
They were too busy building the perfect nest to notice such pain,
Pretending that nothing was happening.
Ignoring the situation at hand always seemed easier.
We flew above like eagles bravely watching over him at school.
The teachers said his behavior was unacceptable,
He was the small boy with glasses too large for his small frame.
If they only knew what he went through at home,
They would have been quicker to love rather than judge.
The attention he always demanded was cries of help,
They called him a problem child who interrupted a perfect day.
He showed his frustration through violence,
Bruises and bite marks on others was how he was defined.
One stormy night after a bad note from school,
The punishment went too far.
The thunder was louder than his cries,
And with one blow to the head the little boy died.
They found him with his glasses broken;
The neighbors told the cops they never heard a thing.
They shivered with the cold north front making way;
(No Stanza break)
Winter air filled what should have been a warm spring.
The flowers turned down their heads to cry,
Their petals turned brown and their roots rot in the ground.
The green grass lost its soft texture;
There was only death to be found.
The teachers all seemed so shocked;
They pretended to have no clue at all.
Yet the signs were always there in his actions,
In his angry pictures hanging on the walls.
Oh how we as birds did hum a sad tune,
As they laid that boy to rest.
We made our home amongst the dark cemetery;
The crooked tree with branches like claws holds our nest.
Let this be a lesson,
That distance can be good.
People need to take the time to step back and see,
And take actions as they should.
-Christina Gordon
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
My lucky ENGAGEMENT SHoes!!
I am marrying my best friend and I mean it 100%.
It is so funny that this blog was called the searching years. How I have grown and my searching has turned into fun and exciting adventures. I could absolutely squeal in excitement right now.
The story of how he proposed...the story I'll tell my children :)
I was getting ready at his house and I was already wearing my purple vera wang dress and grey sweater getting ready for church in Monroe for the Christmas Eve service. I went ahead and gave him his North-face jacket early (per his request) so he could look nice at church. I was drying my wet hair and he came in with a huge bag. I just knew since I was drying my hair and not ready it'd just be the sonuk's that I asked for. (He had already told me I was not getting a ring until income tax). So as I reached my hands in I felt my shoes. As I pulled them out I seen the Zales box sticking out of one. Everything past this is a blur. We were both so nervous! I know I said, "No way!" He dropped to one knee and asked me to be his wife for life!" He swears it didn't rhyme like this, but I am pretty sure it did. And I am pretty sure I wouldn't change how he said it ever because it makes it so special to me. I like the dork, knees buckled and dropped down next to him and shook nervously as he put my ring on my finger. Then we both just hugged...like a million second hug. I was so excited. I didn't cry yet---that came after the hugging. Then I started my 1,000 phone calls. :) Those are the most expensive shoes ever ;).
I'm wearing those shoes under my wedding dress! That may seem tacky, but it would tie in our engagement so perfectly!!!
Mark my words, we will be the couple that lasts. I am prepared for rough and smooth waters, our relationship is a steady rock.
It is God's promise to one another and I want to be a great girlfriend.. I mean wife!! OMG I so have to get used to it.
Love the future--Christina Gordon Roberts!!
It is so funny that this blog was called the searching years. How I have grown and my searching has turned into fun and exciting adventures. I could absolutely squeal in excitement right now.
The story of how he proposed...the story I'll tell my children :)
I was getting ready at his house and I was already wearing my purple vera wang dress and grey sweater getting ready for church in Monroe for the Christmas Eve service. I went ahead and gave him his North-face jacket early (per his request) so he could look nice at church. I was drying my wet hair and he came in with a huge bag. I just knew since I was drying my hair and not ready it'd just be the sonuk's that I asked for. (He had already told me I was not getting a ring until income tax). So as I reached my hands in I felt my shoes. As I pulled them out I seen the Zales box sticking out of one. Everything past this is a blur. We were both so nervous! I know I said, "No way!" He dropped to one knee and asked me to be his wife for life!" He swears it didn't rhyme like this, but I am pretty sure it did. And I am pretty sure I wouldn't change how he said it ever because it makes it so special to me. I like the dork, knees buckled and dropped down next to him and shook nervously as he put my ring on my finger. Then we both just hugged...like a million second hug. I was so excited. I didn't cry yet---that came after the hugging. Then I started my 1,000 phone calls. :) Those are the most expensive shoes ever ;).
I'm wearing those shoes under my wedding dress! That may seem tacky, but it would tie in our engagement so perfectly!!!
Mark my words, we will be the couple that lasts. I am prepared for rough and smooth waters, our relationship is a steady rock.
It is God's promise to one another and I want to be a great girlfriend.. I mean wife!! OMG I so have to get used to it.
Love the future--Christina Gordon Roberts!!
Monday, December 12, 2011
Quiet inside my mind
The feeling of accomplishment. The feeling of seeing 10/10 on a screen. I read online the other day that saying going to school online is actually just as challenging as being in class if not more challenging. The fact people say it is "easier" is a myth. I have to self discipline myself to do my assignments and teach them to myself. I would love to have a professor just lecture to me again because I am a highly auditory learner. If you think the tests are easier--wrong--you don't have time to flip through your notes as people think. You have to know it. Random tid-bit, but the thing on yahoo homepage made me want to share. Gosh I hate the commercial of the girl singing, "Get connected for free at ed-u-cation connect-ion". I think it makes going to school online look so juvenile. I did take a test in my pj's earlier though?? LOL Maybe I should get up on that commercial and sing.
I am loving Christmas Unit at work! Our room is quite festive. I bought some more stickers and Christmas cards for the kids to write in tonight. I love my students--all of them--past and present. I love this time of the year, they are attached to us and predictable. We are attached to them too. I can tell you exactly what they will ask, and I know that my beautiful blonde haired "real cheerleader" and sweet Curstan will be following me around helping me prepare art in the morning. I know that Riley J. and Connor will be building the tallest building ever with cardboard blocks, and we'll have to stop sweet Koltin from doing a dive into them to be the "bulldozer". I have learned the twins voices apart and I have learned that Peyton is our ladies man. I can keep going, I love them all. I think I should make a journal just of my children after I graduate, so I can truly remember them 40 years from now.
I went to my first Tech shin dig tonight to be inducted to Golden Key Honour Society. I am pretty excited about it, a lot of opportunities to serve the community and get scholarships. I really liked how the lead speaker put it, we should feel honored not that we got in, but in the work we've put into our academics. He said, "I know to be top 15% of your class means a lot of sacrifices at a young age. Today it pays off and it will pay off in your future if you always are a seeker of knowledge. Learning never stops." I felt like he was speaking to me. I know my sacrifices of fun get togethers, sleep, and even time away from those I love the most. I know it helps build me stronger and will make me a good teacher, wife, and mother one day. I always want to be better for others. I want to unlock the potential others have inside of them. The way my family encouraged me to seek my potential.
On a side note: ULM=Camo TECH=Polo
On a side note note: Do not wear clubbing dresses to prestigious events, use the brains you used to get into the society to dress appropriately. Respect yourselves and your body.
Travis and I will be heading to Dallas Friday night, looking forward to the mini road trip. We'll be meeting up with his parents and staying with his brother and Sam to watch Quinton graduate. I am so proud of him, I know the work that goes into it.
I love John Mayer's "Quiet".... love it.
Anyways, I need to head to sleep. I think tomorrow we may make snow globes!!! I'm pretty pumped no joke.
I am loving Christmas Unit at work! Our room is quite festive. I bought some more stickers and Christmas cards for the kids to write in tonight. I love my students--all of them--past and present. I love this time of the year, they are attached to us and predictable. We are attached to them too. I can tell you exactly what they will ask, and I know that my beautiful blonde haired "real cheerleader" and sweet Curstan will be following me around helping me prepare art in the morning. I know that Riley J. and Connor will be building the tallest building ever with cardboard blocks, and we'll have to stop sweet Koltin from doing a dive into them to be the "bulldozer". I have learned the twins voices apart and I have learned that Peyton is our ladies man. I can keep going, I love them all. I think I should make a journal just of my children after I graduate, so I can truly remember them 40 years from now.
I went to my first Tech shin dig tonight to be inducted to Golden Key Honour Society. I am pretty excited about it, a lot of opportunities to serve the community and get scholarships. I really liked how the lead speaker put it, we should feel honored not that we got in, but in the work we've put into our academics. He said, "I know to be top 15% of your class means a lot of sacrifices at a young age. Today it pays off and it will pay off in your future if you always are a seeker of knowledge. Learning never stops." I felt like he was speaking to me. I know my sacrifices of fun get togethers, sleep, and even time away from those I love the most. I know it helps build me stronger and will make me a good teacher, wife, and mother one day. I always want to be better for others. I want to unlock the potential others have inside of them. The way my family encouraged me to seek my potential.
On a side note: ULM=Camo TECH=Polo
On a side note note: Do not wear clubbing dresses to prestigious events, use the brains you used to get into the society to dress appropriately. Respect yourselves and your body.
Travis and I will be heading to Dallas Friday night, looking forward to the mini road trip. We'll be meeting up with his parents and staying with his brother and Sam to watch Quinton graduate. I am so proud of him, I know the work that goes into it.
I love John Mayer's "Quiet".... love it.
Anyways, I need to head to sleep. I think tomorrow we may make snow globes!!! I'm pretty pumped no joke.
Monday, November 21, 2011
L-O-V-E
I used to dream of this...What it would be like--Falling in love. Though in my adolescence, I claimed to know it. I didn't. I had no clue what it was like to love someone as much as I do Travis. I never knew what it was like for my soul to really feel complete. I can understand how Eve is made of Adam, because I feel like I was never whole before I met him. As I sit and ponder at 3:30 am about my life, I remember what my life was like before him. I think to my apartment and the lonely nights crying and praying. I prayed for Travis nightly, but I had no clue who he'd be. I did not know it the second I met him, nor will I claim it. However, as each second ticked by in the moments I spent with him, it became more clear. He was the answer to my prayers.
I thank God for sending me someone that can help define happiness and help show me what this world really has to offer. I now understand how much love my parents had for one another. Love--it changes a person--honestly--not in just a beautiful quote sense. It has changed me. It has made me more mature, more confident in myself, happier, kinder, and better in the best of senses. He is my miracle. Though we don't have these sappy romantic conversations daily, we are both good at reassuring one another every day that we love each other, not only in words, but by actions. In the action of staying around me while I cry over tests with my hair pulled up like a nest. He reassures me of my intelligence and gives me a courage I never knew I had. He does it so naturally, I barely think he notices. He is just him. He makes me laugh, oh how he makes me laugh. I am sure in that sense we are soul-mates, we get each others odd sense of humor.
All of this wonderfulness fills me with fear. I have something for the first time in my life that would almost be unbearable to lose. I love him so much that it scares me, to the point I'd literately not know what I'd do if I lost him. That sounds morbid, I know, but I do not intend it to be. To me it is something beautiful, for once I have something so precious to treasure and worry about.
The first date-- I can still see his black truck pulling up as I stood by the paint-chipped apartment railings watching for him. I remember not knowing what to say, as I awkwardly stared out the window. We did not even talk until we were passing the ULM tennis courts, and that was just to state how much easier it was to talk on the phone. It was the best evening of my life up to that point, and I didn't even know it yet. The bond that would form after that day was incredible. I love him, I love his family, I love the little things that make him Travis.
People discuss finding the perfect man, but let me make this clear. There is no perfect man, but the perfect man for you. One that brings you closer to God by showing you the love God has placed in us. The man who has flaws that are seemingly invisible to you. When you find that love, you'll know, I never knew how "you'd know someone is the one", but you do. Compared to my other relationships, I consider him my first real relationship. How did I get so blessed??
I thank God for sending me someone that can help define happiness and help show me what this world really has to offer. I now understand how much love my parents had for one another. Love--it changes a person--honestly--not in just a beautiful quote sense. It has changed me. It has made me more mature, more confident in myself, happier, kinder, and better in the best of senses. He is my miracle. Though we don't have these sappy romantic conversations daily, we are both good at reassuring one another every day that we love each other, not only in words, but by actions. In the action of staying around me while I cry over tests with my hair pulled up like a nest. He reassures me of my intelligence and gives me a courage I never knew I had. He does it so naturally, I barely think he notices. He is just him. He makes me laugh, oh how he makes me laugh. I am sure in that sense we are soul-mates, we get each others odd sense of humor.
All of this wonderfulness fills me with fear. I have something for the first time in my life that would almost be unbearable to lose. I love him so much that it scares me, to the point I'd literately not know what I'd do if I lost him. That sounds morbid, I know, but I do not intend it to be. To me it is something beautiful, for once I have something so precious to treasure and worry about.
The first date-- I can still see his black truck pulling up as I stood by the paint-chipped apartment railings watching for him. I remember not knowing what to say, as I awkwardly stared out the window. We did not even talk until we were passing the ULM tennis courts, and that was just to state how much easier it was to talk on the phone. It was the best evening of my life up to that point, and I didn't even know it yet. The bond that would form after that day was incredible. I love him, I love his family, I love the little things that make him Travis.
People discuss finding the perfect man, but let me make this clear. There is no perfect man, but the perfect man for you. One that brings you closer to God by showing you the love God has placed in us. The man who has flaws that are seemingly invisible to you. When you find that love, you'll know, I never knew how "you'd know someone is the one", but you do. Compared to my other relationships, I consider him my first real relationship. How did I get so blessed??
Saturday, November 12, 2011
And the Dreams that You Dare to Dream Really do Come True
It's nearly 4 am. I call it dedication or insanity one. I am not sure. I just completed my 15 page final for psychology 411 and a 2 page paper to go along with it. I'm exhausted, but I needed to do something to calm my brain down before I passed out.
I found out I get to graduate wearing two cords. One for having a 3.8 and one for being in honor society. I will pretend they are gold when I wear them because I have spent years of my life dedicating myself to my studies. They've been fun memories though for the most part. Now they are just tiring. I am ready for grad school now, I actually cried when I was reading my application and starting on it. I can't believe I've finally made it that far. I may have cried from exhaustion, but it felt good to do so. Travis is amazing, he deals with my psychotic melt downs when I feel like I'm a chicken with my head cut off trying to complete stuff. Good thing because tomorrow I'll be tackling 6 hours or more worth of lectures and reading 300 pages of a book. Yeah.. we'll see how that goes?! I promise I do not procrastinate, I just have soooo much on my plate. Eh, enough complaining. If you ask why I am not doing my assignment right now I'll answer you--I'm sleepy and I don't do 4 am tests for the sake of my grades and understanding the material.
I made my first pinterest project the other day for my wedding. I'll have to take a picture and get it up. Yes, I know we're not engaged yet, but I know we'll spend forever together so why not get ahead of the game? I just need some burlap string to complete it. I love him without a shadow of a doubt. He is my very best friend who knows everything about me and loves the good and the bad aspects that make me--well me! He even deals with my OCD when I feel a little anxious. (That's getting way better though his support system helps me). Sometimes just the funny things he says lights up my world... and I enjoy future talks. I love knowing we will have a future together that God will lead us through.
6 classes to goooooo til I walk. YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY I can learn what it's like to have a life again... YAYYYYY!
Yeah, sorry, off track again. My brain works like that.
Please continue to pray for Aly Taylor as she battles vicious cancer and pray for her family and friends. It's a difficult time for them. Also pray for a 4 month baby (a friend's niece) who is battling for her life after the discovery of a tumor.
My friend Janna has her baby soon, super excited for her....she will be a great mother. I just found out her little man will be at CCP so I will get to see her and get to peak in at him! I love watching children grow. I can't wait to have my own. I really just want one, but I know myself there will be two. (Three if a girl hasn't made an appearance ;).}
I have to gear up for my GRE and all that fun stuff. I'll be taking all of that this spring and summer.
Anyways, my eyes are finally feeling droopy. The extra shots of caffeine have done their job well and are now giving up (thank gosh).
If anyone wants Scrooge tickets from our class we'd love for you to come, just ask me!!! They are free and it's a very good play that makes Christmas come alive!
I found out I get to graduate wearing two cords. One for having a 3.8 and one for being in honor society. I will pretend they are gold when I wear them because I have spent years of my life dedicating myself to my studies. They've been fun memories though for the most part. Now they are just tiring. I am ready for grad school now, I actually cried when I was reading my application and starting on it. I can't believe I've finally made it that far. I may have cried from exhaustion, but it felt good to do so. Travis is amazing, he deals with my psychotic melt downs when I feel like I'm a chicken with my head cut off trying to complete stuff. Good thing because tomorrow I'll be tackling 6 hours or more worth of lectures and reading 300 pages of a book. Yeah.. we'll see how that goes?! I promise I do not procrastinate, I just have soooo much on my plate. Eh, enough complaining. If you ask why I am not doing my assignment right now I'll answer you--I'm sleepy and I don't do 4 am tests for the sake of my grades and understanding the material.
I made my first pinterest project the other day for my wedding. I'll have to take a picture and get it up. Yes, I know we're not engaged yet, but I know we'll spend forever together so why not get ahead of the game? I just need some burlap string to complete it. I love him without a shadow of a doubt. He is my very best friend who knows everything about me and loves the good and the bad aspects that make me--well me! He even deals with my OCD when I feel a little anxious. (That's getting way better though his support system helps me). Sometimes just the funny things he says lights up my world... and I enjoy future talks. I love knowing we will have a future together that God will lead us through.
6 classes to goooooo til I walk. YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY I can learn what it's like to have a life again... YAYYYYY!
Yeah, sorry, off track again. My brain works like that.
Please continue to pray for Aly Taylor as she battles vicious cancer and pray for her family and friends. It's a difficult time for them. Also pray for a 4 month baby (a friend's niece) who is battling for her life after the discovery of a tumor.
My friend Janna has her baby soon, super excited for her....she will be a great mother. I just found out her little man will be at CCP so I will get to see her and get to peak in at him! I love watching children grow. I can't wait to have my own. I really just want one, but I know myself there will be two. (Three if a girl hasn't made an appearance ;).}
I have to gear up for my GRE and all that fun stuff. I'll be taking all of that this spring and summer.
Anyways, my eyes are finally feeling droopy. The extra shots of caffeine have done their job well and are now giving up (thank gosh).
If anyone wants Scrooge tickets from our class we'd love for you to come, just ask me!!! They are free and it's a very good play that makes Christmas come alive!
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Looking out the window
My friends--very few people who are surrounded by me really know me, these days I barely remember who I am with the rustle, bustle of life. I am a deep thinker though, who covers it up with a smile (which is genuine, none the least). I obsess over thoughts and people call it a bad thing. I love that I am OCD and over emotional in some odd ways, because when I do something I do it 150% and when I care about someone I do it 150% also. OCD makes me good--emotionally drained--but good at life. My medicine now keeps me moderated and sometimes I just forget to take it. I feel more balanced in life now despite the fact I have a 100 things on my plate. It's hard to describe, but I am happy with where I am in life. I can now look back at life and realize how I am a large puzzle God is putting together in HIs time and in HIS way. I used to feel so lost about life and OBSESS over that, if you read my deep and sad journals you would see the darkness of the pages. I would write about God, but looking back, I did not trust giving my problems to him. I felt guilty for asking for guidance, when there are sick and good people in the world. Now, as I reflect being older, I realize God could take my problems. He is a great and mighty God who can heal the sick and help me if I only seek Him.
I ramble a lot. I enjoy rambling. It's therapy in a blog. Honestly, I could care less of opinions of this blog. This is me.
I am listening to the rain and soft piano of an art dvd I just completed watching. I am compelled to go buy classical music on my ipod. That's thinking music. The music I am generally surrounded with on "popular" radio stations do not provoke emotions or thoughts. This music and the rain--it does.
The sunrise is a thinking moment for me to. I love my drives. Sometimes I do not listen to radio at all, but take in my surroundings. This morning, I pondered, how great it is to finally find the one God intended me to be with. I used to look for the perfect man, but I now realize there is no perfect man or person, only a person that's perfect for me. My mom heard him singing before we ate the other day, and pointed out that I have ALWAYS sang before I ate. ALWAYS. Odd tid bit, but I never noticed that Travis and I had those things in common. He betters me. Honestly, he does. When I tear up over a B, well actually before I can he praises my efforts and makes me feel like I am worth something much bigger than a grade on my transcript. If people knew him like I know him, they would understand why even on my worst days I can muster up a smile. I had love wrong in my head, it's not all mushy gushy romance, it's real. It's good days, bad days, and everything in between. He's my best friend and there is honestly nothing that I can not tell him. I love how predicable he is, how I know I'll get a voicemail when he gets to work that will begin with "hey babe" every time and end with, "I love you". I love that we can dance around like crazies when LSU wins a game, or just have serious talks about God and life. People will never know him like that, and that is what makes me love him. I have brought out a side in him that only he knew, and he has brought out a side of me that only now he knows. It's really hard to explain, but I just did my best. I love that I waited on him and didn't settle. I'd wait a million more days if it meant knowing that he loves me.
Anyways, now back to art. I need to take my Rothko test, bless his heart, he had an amazing life as an artist. He wanted people to feel his painting emotionally...just as I secretly hope for people to feel the life I have in me and the love I have for making friends.
Until next time ---
I ramble a lot. I enjoy rambling. It's therapy in a blog. Honestly, I could care less of opinions of this blog. This is me.
I am listening to the rain and soft piano of an art dvd I just completed watching. I am compelled to go buy classical music on my ipod. That's thinking music. The music I am generally surrounded with on "popular" radio stations do not provoke emotions or thoughts. This music and the rain--it does.
The sunrise is a thinking moment for me to. I love my drives. Sometimes I do not listen to radio at all, but take in my surroundings. This morning, I pondered, how great it is to finally find the one God intended me to be with. I used to look for the perfect man, but I now realize there is no perfect man or person, only a person that's perfect for me. My mom heard him singing before we ate the other day, and pointed out that I have ALWAYS sang before I ate. ALWAYS. Odd tid bit, but I never noticed that Travis and I had those things in common. He betters me. Honestly, he does. When I tear up over a B, well actually before I can he praises my efforts and makes me feel like I am worth something much bigger than a grade on my transcript. If people knew him like I know him, they would understand why even on my worst days I can muster up a smile. I had love wrong in my head, it's not all mushy gushy romance, it's real. It's good days, bad days, and everything in between. He's my best friend and there is honestly nothing that I can not tell him. I love how predicable he is, how I know I'll get a voicemail when he gets to work that will begin with "hey babe" every time and end with, "I love you". I love that we can dance around like crazies when LSU wins a game, or just have serious talks about God and life. People will never know him like that, and that is what makes me love him. I have brought out a side in him that only he knew, and he has brought out a side of me that only now he knows. It's really hard to explain, but I just did my best. I love that I waited on him and didn't settle. I'd wait a million more days if it meant knowing that he loves me.
Anyways, now back to art. I need to take my Rothko test, bless his heart, he had an amazing life as an artist. He wanted people to feel his painting emotionally...just as I secretly hope for people to feel the life I have in me and the love I have for making friends.
Until next time ---
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