New Beginnings/Exciting and Nervous

At this time next year I'll be decorating my first classroom as a lead teacher. That is really exciting. However, I am still super excited to decorate JoAnna and my safari room this year! :)

However, you have to walk before you crawl.... I have the following Quarters coming up at Tech to get me there:

Fall- 3 classes or "9" hours which is full time at Tech

Winter- 2 classes or "6" hours

Spring- 3 classes or "9" hours (again full time)

Summer- 2 classes or "6" hours

So 10 Classes stand between me and freedom....oh I am ready....but terrified.

It can be done.. with God's strength and support from my family, Travis, and friends it can be done. I am telling myself this to reassure myself that I have the knowledge and strength to do this.

I'll be working full time and being a full time student. I am not complaining, I do this all by choice. I did it to myself when I quit school in 2008. I hated being an English major though, and when I found out the administration made a "mistake" in my graduation date I couldn't handle it. However, I am SO thankful that I quit. God has a way of changing your path in his way. I felt at the time it was best and it was. Had I not quit, I would have never found CCS. CCS is the school that gave me a job without asking questions. I did not want it, to be honest the thought of working sounded terrible to me. I was unhappy with life in general and I didn't know what I wanted to do. I was in a rut. It was Kitty Head that gave me a chance to work with the after school program. Here I fell in love with children. The four year olds in that class are still etched into my head. I was nothing more than an after school girl, but I made it my goal to be a real teacher to them. I read books, played games, colored, and through this I fell in love. I remember the first day I knew I was emotionally connected is the day a little boy got a toy car thrown at his head. It busted a blood vessel and needless to say it was a bloooody mess. I now know due to further education that teachers are supposed to remain calm to ensure the child. I did not know that then and cried just as hard as him as I walked covered in his blood to Mrs. Kitty's office crying. (Actually, I think I cried harder than him). I went home and realized how much I cared.

Then Brittany suggested that I ask to be a sub. I got called ALL the time. I felt like one of the group even then. I loved it, it was then I decided to apply for the full time teacher's assistant job. I could sense a family and unity with the ladies I subbed with and I knew it was where God wanted me to be. I even enrolled in my CDA classes at Delta before I obtained the position. I now have my CDA and have 96 hours under my belt. That's a lot of tears behind that, lol, when I get stressed I cry. I stared at my transcript tonight. I like browsing over the classes that I have taken, though they are kind of random now since I am general studies to graduate quicker... I like to feel that I am well rounded. 32 classes down (35 if you count my Delta CDA classes), 10 to go. This can be done and will be done. :) I have made all A's so far at Tech while working full time. I know boasting is bad and I do not share my grades for "show off reasons" I post it because I do find that it's ok to be proud of accomplishments that have a lot of work behind it. I have worked super hard to get where I am today. I talk to Laura Pritchard, an old English Ed. major friend of mine, and some of our sophomore classes were probably the hardest and most challenging classes I have ever taken!! LOL I do not know why I wanted to share that, but I am so thankful for the "chipper" memories of ULM. I have fond memories of being a freshmen watching Ana be late for class with her green book bag and having my buddy Scott talk about fishing. I also enjoyed telling my dear friend Mrs. Terri Scott and Laura my HORRIBLE date stories. I do like Tech better though for where I am in life now for curriculum purposes, but my young days at ULM are still precious to me and who I became.

I go to the beach Monday. It's the last big shin dig before school time fun begins. I am excited to see what children God puts in our lives.

Enjoyed the trip. It was nice seeing the Robert's family and we had a nice time in New Orleans.

Travis says that when I look back 10 years from now school will be a blur, but I will be better for it. Lord, I pray so.

Pray for my mother, she keeps having cysts come up? They say it's not cancerous, but I still freak out. They are also seeing signs of osteoperosis (sp?) I detest the aging process. You work hard your whole life, and right when you can slow down just a little bit your body starts giving out. It seems cruel to me, but God has a plan for us all. He uses us for His work and aging it just apart of that process.

I am super thankful to God for Travis. I know that true love is hard to find. When I am with him, I am with my best friend. He does not give himself much credit, but he is AMAZING.

Dreams

The past has a way of sneaking up on you in your dreams. I am not sure why they say you "dream" about the future. I dream about the past. I always have that or it's just off the wall dreams. It's funny how one little thought can become a dream that lasts all night. I also dream about insecurities and fears (losing someone I love or failing a test). It's odd. I like my dreams though, they are like little movies. I even have the ability during the summers if I wake up in the middle of a dream that I am enjoying, I can quickly go back to sleep and "add" to my movie. I know it all seems a little deep. My brain is always out there in left field.

I am growing to learn to be my own self. I have lived many years of my life, living to make others happy. I still want to, but for once I want to be happy too. If someone can not accept me for who I am, they honestly do not belong. I hate how cliche' that sounds though. I just want to be happy.

I'm ready to go back to work. I got so used to being active with school and work that I don't know how to do nothing.

I'm so easily sidetracked. This lady on TLC sniffs gasoline every 10 minutes because she likes to smell gas. She says the gasoline makes her feel better. HAHA Gracious, I thought my life was stressful.

Travis and I are still doing well. People keep asking me about our future, we have one...but we are enjoying our time now. Living in the present and enjoying where we are in life NoW is important. My dreams are already true with him.

I miss my family, summer has been very hectic and busy for my family. I love them very much!

I go to the beach Monday, and there may be a New Orleans trip this week in store. :)

God is good--Always

Searching for Balance

I have been trying to find my balance. I am not much of a person to whine, ok maybe I am, but I have really had to get used to being back in school. I work 40 hours a week (with kids that I adore), have to be a good daughter, sister, aunt, girlfriend, church member, and employee. Oh and I forgot a good student, how could I forget my scholarly duties? However, when I state that I am finding my balance, I am doing it psychologically. I am telling myself that everything that I am doing will pay off in the end. I know that teaching children is in my heart, and it's the smiling faces that I see daily that pushes me to do homework from 3-Midnight.

I am also having trouble finding balance with friends. I never like the feeling of choosing or even questioning who is more important. I love all of my friends and i hope that I convey that. I feel like I am leaving so many people out here lately, and I hate that. I just feel like school has been my primary focus. I keep telling myself that it's worth it.

I do love Tech (online). However the campus stresses me out, I lost my car the other day during advising. I'm so used to being a ULMer that I felt like such a freshman (even though I am a senior) walking around. I couldn't find my car in cold misting rain (in may?!) for at least 15 minutes. It was pathetic. My hair feathers got wet! (PAHAHA) Another thing that makes me happy in an odd way is realizing my friends (yes you stephanie) are just as emotional as I am when they get stressed. I had my crying day yesterday and poor Travis got to hear me have a wahhhh woah is me melt down. I am feeling better though!

I do need tooth picks to keep my eyes open. School did change me, it took away my every other daily naps!

As far as my love life is going, for once I am not searching any longer. My prince charming has arrived with his big brown eyes and super fly dance moves. I did not rename my blog though, for I realize that the searching years are still evident in my life. I am now searching for balance. Pray for me to find some. Oh, and for sleep. Teen teen is not making it off of 5 hours a night. I need 13. HAHA!

I'm Memaw Gordon

Yawwwwwnn...work starts at 9 today. I woke up at 6ish though to prepare my body for that transition next week. I wish I was getting up for the beach!! LOL ;) I definetly need color. The older I get, I find that my teeny bopper priorities slip away. I would have never been this pasty in August years ago, but I prefer to hermit out of the heat now rather than bake in it. However, I still jam out to VH1,MTV, and CMT every morning just like high school and college. I'm excited about work though, I really love everyone I work with. I'm ready to meet the kiddies now.

I am determined to try to find a house to live in or at least something else. These college kids moving into the apartment complex make me feel old and stressed. They are rolling up with their brand new camaros and hummers and lining their beer bottles in front of their doors. Makes me feel like I live in a trashy place, and I don't. I just live on campus pratically. The other day "Hummer BOY" felt the need to take two parking spots with his "Daddy bought ride". So I rolled my window down and said, "Hey sweetie is that your ride?" He smiled that (Yeah i'm the coolest guy in the world smile) and said "yeah". I said "Really, learn how to drive it then, it doesnt take two parking spots buddy!!" See I felt so mean after that, I almost appologized, but Megan kept me from it. It's never bothered me much in the past, but again I think age is playing a factor. I used to be the creeper neighbor that loved dressing up and sitting on the porch watching the August move in's because I was convinced there was going to be "hot" neighbors. Now I don't want anyone looking at me and get annoyed by the move-in's because i'm usually perched in my dorky pj's on my lsu chair talking on the phone or something. The "Thursday" parties annoy me too. (See this is me sounding memawish). But really do they have to jam their techno boom boom music at midnight? I can't say that I was ever perfect (Praise God for bringing me to my senses), but I was always respectful of sound levels....and I promise you...there was never beer bottles lining my house. That's not decorations people...not little "ornaments" for your balcony.

Ok now that I sound like I belong on "Grumpy old women" I'm headed to go grab breakfast and head to work. I hope everyone has a good day. Love ya'll!!!!

<3

Summer 2010

I have honestly had one of the best summers of my life. When people ask me "What'd you do?" I have no real "Adventures" to list besides the beach. But you know what?? I am learning lifes adventures are far from what I thought they were in my previous years. Adventures do not have to be far off destinations filled with a little danger. I have learned that every day of my life is an adventure filled with twists, turns, laughter, and tears. The adventure is not knowing what the next day will hold, but trusting God to know that no matter what I will be just fine in the end. The adventure is my life that he's created for me. The new people I meet, the joy, the sadness, the anger, the nervousness, the lonliness, laughter, smiles...it's all apart of my adventure of finding me. I guess I don't feel like I'm so much "Searching" for anything anymore, but enjoying the litle moments that will eventually create my story of life.

I have spent soo much time with my family the last few months (which does include Megan also). I am so blessed with a job that allows me that time to spend with them. I noticed I didn't take as many pictures as I usually do this year, but I spent more time living in the moment. This is one I think I'll cherish for years though. Our vacation was a memory of a lifetime, and I really enjoyed our time together. Mostly we do dinners and movie nights. Gracie and I are the best of buddies now. She loves her "Aunt Teen". I wish I could bundle up how cute she is when she "Fakes a fall" just so I say "OHHH MY ARE YOU OK??" Which she proudly giggles and says "I OK!!" . She's so dramatic with the falls....she sticks her hands straight out and wobbles a little squealing like she's scared.. falls..looks up...smiles... and if I don't say "Are you OK?" quickly enough she is like "TEEEEEN" to remind me to say it... haha Mom said she's taken it to a new level and when she says, "Are you Ok?" Gracie will say, "No, then giggle and say I OK!!!" I don't know if it'll be nearly as cute to write about as it is to see... but it's so neat to see her little personality coming out. She also fakes sneezing now, and we wind up saying "Bless you" 19 times. When we really do sneeze though she will hug us and say "Bwess you". It's honestly amazing. Hahaha and she's so good at obeying. One night I saw her chewing and I was like "AHH What is she chewing?!?!" And I said, "Gracie spit it in my hand really quickly!!" Bless her little heart she spit up a half chewed up piece of apple that her momma gave her (which I didn't know)..and what really broke my heart is when she dropped her head and said "Apple". Needless to say I was please she minded and got her more apple..but felt terrible for upsetting her! haha! I am such a proud aunt to see her grow, but my goodness I wish I could bottle her up as a baby for longer. Imagine, next summer, she'll be speaking big long sentences to me! WOW! I can honestly say I want children one day. I'm ready to settle down. I do not want to "rush into anything" but do feel like in my heart I'm ready for committment so I can start that adventure of my life. Most people my age aren't ready for that, but I am an old soul I guess. If that scares anyone away from me, that just means that is not who God intended me to be with.

It was also SUPER FUN being in Ana and Christopher's wedding. Ana's been in my life since 7th grade, and I was super happy when she met him in college. It's neat to see a relationship grow from the beginning to what will be forever. We had a blast dancing the night away. Seriously. I love them to pieces. When the wedding photos get posted to Make Moments I'll post some. Until then here's a peak into the fun. :



I also enjoyed Baton Rouge as a 2nd timer this year for work. It's nice getting to bond with the people I spend 9 months out of the year with. I even gave a presentation with a few of my collegues and gained the respect of well seasoned teachers. (ha some even asked for my email?!) That made me feel amazing seeing as I'm just a teacher's assistant that's in school. It gives me steam to continue to push through school and pursue my dreams.

I had a really good time hanging out with a new friend the other day. It's so nice to meet some people with morals and a personality. The world lacks this too often these days. I guess meeting new people is a good start to a new season. New person to add to new adventures...

I hate endings though. I know it's just a season, but I know how busy my life gets with work (which I wouldn't change). It's just change of any kind brings me a sense of sadness because I always view it as a season of my life that i'll never get back....and what a great season this has been. It's just been so nice to have space and time to be with my thoughts/feelings/family/friends. I'm trying to make an effort to balance work and my social life this year. I can do both. Last year I know I turned into a hermit crab sometimes because I thought that was the responsible thing to do. I hope that little pattern doesn't happen, I want to be responsible, but I want to remain feeling this close to the people I care so much about. I do love me some fall though. :)

Maybe endings are good, new beginnings are always fun. Cheers to new adventures and new memories to be made.

Anyways, I am going to get some sleep.

<3 Love you all forever. :)

I promise you this, I'll always look out for you.

Happy Birthday Meglet. (:

There are those people that come and go in your life leaving imprints in your life, then there are those people who come into your life and become your family. That's what Megan Brooke Bowman has grown to be in my life.




If you took our personalities (especially back in the day) we were nothing alike. If I was day, she was night. If I was night, she'd be day. She hates country, while I am a rooting tooting boot skootin boogy country loving turn the Jason Aldean song up girl. And she's the let's jam to 91.1 dares to be different and try new styles whether it be hair color, new makeup, clothes. And as much as I give her a "hard time" about our differences over the years I'd never change her. Because she's the reason I like a variety of music, and when I do anything daring (like cutting my plain jane hair a new way) she's the encouraging spirit behind me.



Megan used to be viewed as the enemy.. hahaha because she had a friendship page dedicated to her on Amanda Buchart's tripod website. (I had one too but her page was before mine! haha so I was threatend that she was "cooler" than me) and I found problems with this as a jr. high tot. But then on the most of unusual circumstances I met her. My 16 year old "LOVE of my life" was cheating on me in the movie theater.. and Amanda and Megan sawwww them. So I got the phone call to come investiage the situation (ohh how being young was interesting). Sooo Megan, who was all up in the koolaid drama, decided to buy a movie ticket to help me 007 the ole cheater. Soo We busted up in American Pie and BOOM he was there kissing some girl. (In her defense he told her she was single, but at the time we didn't know this). So I run out crying, and Megan and I "staked out" the hallway. His "date" for the evening came running out talking trash... and Megan being my friend of uhh say 5 minutes says something about the girls "homemade shorts" (pahahaha good one Meg way to be creative!!) Then they left. haha My heart was broken, but I had made a new friend.




We kinda lost touch for a while. Randomly "aiming" each other chit chatting about how we'd grow up to drive a voltswagon bug (neither of us got that btw). But yeahh..

Until one day she came up to me in the hallwayh complimenting my Sharron Osborne wig (for Halloween at School WHAT WAS I THINKING????) haha she had the matching one one. Thennn she asked me if I'd go on a blind date with her brother. I told her I didn't do blind dates. Nooo Way!! Then she showed me a picture of Jon Eric in dress blues. He was so Handsome!! So I didn't hesitate to tell her to have him call me!! So we began talking to each other nightly. I'd update her on the "status" of mine and her brothers relationship. I was invited to ride with her and her family to pick him up from Jackson, Mississippi. Her family was so much fun. We listended to some hilarious music and jammed the whole way. By this point Megan and I had become close.


We got to the airport to pick up Jon Eric. Every guy who walked by Megan would say "That's my brother!!!" Until I saw him walk up. And I will say I had so many butterflies in my stomach. I was so happy to get my first big hug and I think we held hands going out of the airport. I wish I could remember. But I remember the drive home Megan and I yapped. He even told me on the phone that night that I talked to Meg more than him. LOL It was this point that I knew Megan and I would be close friends. I was just happy she didn't bust her brother kissing me goodnight at the door. Wait no that's right, she did. She was all hiding behind walls trying to snap pictures!! pahaha I called her paparatzi:





Jon Eric was very charming and I am thankful to God that I got to be apart of his life. He was a lot of fun and I was on top of the world dating him. But I was a senior and he was living in South Carolina preparing for war. In the end, we wound up being friends, and he went on to marry his high school sweet heart. But we remained friends...even getting pineapple pizza as a group when he'd be in town. And I was happy that he was happy.

Megan though--she remained close. And we grew up together in a sense. There are so many emotional rollercoasters in high school, and she was always there for every heart break, every big moment, every small nitty detail of the day. We practically lived together on the weekends (as we still do most of the time today lol). She was there to talk to me after I lost my Grandma and kept me company with silence when I needed it. She was there in college when I had hard days, and she was there to meet all the new guys with! (haha). She decorated my room with my sister when I moved out the first time. And She made up the goofball dances with me. She was apart of all major milestones- And I was there at 2 a.m. the day she got the visit...the news that Jon Eric lost his life at war.

I cry now thinking of the moment. I can tell you exactly where I was sitting in my house, studying notecards for psychology. I drove over quickly.... I was so hurt and sad because Jon Eric was a big part of my life, but i remember hurting the most when I saw my best friend break down. It hurt me to watch her suffer and for once there was no inside joke to make us laugh. That's the day we grew up--friendship wasn't just the fun times...we took our frienship to a whole new level of being there through literatly thick and thin. That's when I knew for sure she was family. Because I hurt for her loss like a sister, and I mourned with her. And looking back, I realize now Jon Eric is such a Blessing to our lives. I will ALWAYS be thankful to him and I will always be happy we dated even for a short period. He is the reason I have my best friend Megan in my life. God used him as a tool to place an amazing person in my life.




I have the joy of saying how much I have watched Megan grow and mature over the years. We both had our little wild child moments, and thankfully found the road back to God's path and had plenty of meterior shower nights gazing at the sky talking about faith and life. Everyone needs a friend that they can openly discuss their faith with. A friendship founded with a belief in God is always a sound and solid one. My family loves her and she's just like one of us. She's always there when we need her, and she's a joy to be around. My niece even loves chasing her around the house yelling "MEEEG MEEEG". I can't begin to explain the memories we've made, but I can explain that she's had a positive impact in my life. People always wait to celebrate someone's life after death, but I am choosing to tell the people who are important in my life how important they are while I can. You're such a strong person, who is smart, and talented. I want the best things in the world for you buddy!







Thanks for the Memories!! (Pics are in no chronological order)

I hope you have a Happy Birthday Meglet. :) I will always be here for you, and I thank God you're a Gorman! Love ya like a sister from another mister!!

Early Summer Days

It's midnight thirty in my world and I have slow acoustic music in the background...and silence.. pure silence...and I am completely at peace. I feel like im a sixteen year old little girl in my bedroom again. I am loving the summer off. I've discovered I stay busy with family and friends though. I guess I'm not good at just sitting around anymore like I did as a hermit crab teenager. I am enjoying this "me" time right now though. It's good for my soul.

I'm getting excited. We're slowly but surely working on fixing up my parents guest house into an apartment for me. It'll be a slow process due to money--little at a time--but in the end I'll save so much money. Big move wont be til next spring though. I am excited..because I'll have independence, yet still kinda be at home. Seems sensible...I would like to save money for my future, and in this apartment that's just not possible. I also know that my car is getting rather old (yet i am appreciative dont get me wrong)...but the move would help me finance something newer. The best part is I get to design it..because the inside is not finished yet. The concrete is laid and the building is up, but the frame needs insulation and walls...and floors..and everything. I want to do wooden floors--and have a loft. I also want it to be a very open space because of limited space. 18x20...(we may build on a little) I have so many nifty ideas in my head for designs. I get to pick out everythinng..doors..stove..tile.. etc. It's like desinging a mini house. I'm chipping in all of it (obviously since my parents are letting me stay rent free). But to them they don't see it as money. (and little do they know it I will be giving them money for them allowing me to do this even if my mom fights and says no) They see it as their little girl being closer... haha even if I'm a "backyardigan". This next year should be wonderful. I will be wrapping up college...getting extra $...maybe a newer car... but until then I am happy. I just like setting dreams for myself.

I am not a biggg paramore fan, but I love their new song, "The Only Exception". It's really pretty. Relaxes me. "Darling you are the only exception"... sorry found myself lost in a song. . . . I kinda miss my work friends. I love all the time with my other friends...but I really got used to hanging out with my group at work. Is that crazy? I think I'm supposed to be like woo hoo it's summer and not think of work..but I do. I wonder how my coworkers are doing and how their summers are...and I miss hearing about their lives everyday. I really do feel like I have a family at work. I'd never choose any other school or job to be honest..because it doesn't feel like a job. It feels like a friendship and a job with purpose. I am allowed every year to be apart of so many children's lives... I get to be the reason a child smiles. That's special..and I am glad God lead me to Claiborne Christian.

The Beach is like 11 days away. The spill is 40 miles west of the beach we're going to. It's pretty much going to be closed im sure by the time we get there :(. *Prayers that it isn't*. I really want a good family vaca. It's not often that us Griswald's all have vacations at the same time--and I want us to be able to go and have fun. But even if I can't get in the water--the time spent together will be nice..and I have some old beach friends that I'll be meeting up with.

Anwyays I'll leave you some pics of what my summer has been like thus far.